....i had a bad mommy moment yesterday....though i try to rationalize it & talk myself into feeling better....i just can't and i need to vent....and you all, bless you, get to *hear* it....
realizing that my current shopping escapade was going to take longer than expected i decided to change audrey's transportation for the afternoon.....i can handle this, no biggie ~ i've got my new *fancy* phone with internet & email....i'll just handle this while i'm out and email her teacher & brett.....yeah, i got handled alright....ugh....audrey was to walk to her daddy's room instead of carpool with me...
...as i am finishing up my afternoon of spending birthday money & running errands i call brett to let him know i will be there in about 20 mins.....from the tone in his voice i knew something wasn't quite right...."um, audrey's teacher didn't get the email."
gulp.
"she made it down to me, but she was upset." .....translation ~ she had been crying, a lot...she was not a happy camper...saying she was a very sensitive child would be an understatement...
rage.....ugh!!
"what do you mean??? i emailed her teacher early enough!!".....so my sassy, too big for my britches self pulls up my cell phone....looks through my emails.....ready to handle this situation.....and . i . see . it. - error message, -- your email did not reach it's intended receipent.....
gulp.
i call brett back....."let me talk to audrey." here is where it gets even worse.....the sweet, pitiful little voice of my baby girl ~ telling me she was the last child at carpool....that she wanted to know why her mommy wasn't there....that she was wondering what happened......
tears. my. tears.
i begged, pleaded & groveled for forgiveness from my five year old child.....i reassured her over and over and over that it would never happen again.....i felt as tiny as a mouse...small, terrible mommy.....
hugs & kisses.
as soon as i got to the school to pick her up from basketball practice i just held her tight....kissed her up.....didn't want to let.her.go!
lesson learned.
wow, was i humbled today. i learned my lessons quickly. i will not rely on technology for the well being of my children. i will be there for her. i will make mistakes. i am not perfect. but i will learn from my mistakes and move on.
now i am moving on and letting this go......audrey is fine, we talked through it, she forgave me, she knows how much she is loved and then we moved on.....i have stopped beating myself up...but man, this was one of the hardest mommy moments ever...
**disclaimer....she was perfectly safe. surrounded by adults the whole time. and her daddy is only 100 yards down in the other connected building.
3 comments:
Oh Kelly...I know how you feel. We all have moments like that, when we feel as if God has made some huge mistake in allowing us to be responsible for such a precious life! You are a great mommy and I'm absolutely positive that Audrey and Grant know that without a doubt.
Oh Kelly, I wished you would have called. Please don't ever hesitate to call, please.
Been there. Done that! I'm sorry you and sweet Audrey had to go through that! I am glad Brett is so close!
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